Of course, there are dozens of songs that conjure up a sense of unity—John Lennon’s “Imagine” comes to mind most quickly.  And there are countless compositions that inspire us to action, to peace, to healing, to love.

But a different song emerged when I was with Peggy Molnar earlier this month as she and hundreds of her fellow Special Olympics athletes visited Capitol Hill to tell their story of working for a more inclusive country to their congressional and Senate leaders. She and I and our happy team of advocates went from meeting to meeting with statistics of how inclusion makes people happier and healthier and even better students. We met with Republicans and Democrats, with legislative and political staff leaders, with people from all parts of the country. Almost no one disagreed. “This is an easy one to support,” said the newly elected Senator from Pennsylvania, John Fetterman(D). “I’ve always been with you and I am still with you,” said the veteran Oklahoma Congressman Tom Cole(R).

But the moment that stuck with me was when Peggy was about to end our meeting with her Senator, Shelley Moore Capito (R-WV) and asked if she could sing. And there in the beautiful Senate office, surrounded by note taking staff and her mom too, Peggy Molnar sat on a soft couch, her feet barely touching the ground and sang a verse of Man in the Mirror. It was a precious scene—surrounded by pictures of power and prestige and influence, a young woman with Down Syndrome advocating for a more inclusive country was making the case that change needs to start within each of us. Not the other party or the other state or the other candidate or any “other,” but within.

And I couldn’t help notice anew the word “mirror.” For the last year and half, we’ve been presenting the Dignity Index to audiences around the country. We start by sharing that we’re all trapped in a culture of contempt—that our media, political, and technology businesses all amplify contempt; that contempt for each other makes us sick and scared. We then introduce the concept of dignity as the antidote to contempt. And finally, we introduce the Dignity Index as a way of unmasking contempt and awakening conscience to the invitation to use more dignity and less contempt. We explain that the Dignity Index can be used to measure the speech of our leaders and challenge them to do better.

But what happens next is always surprising. Whether we’re talking to college undergraduates or veteran political activists; Republicans or Democrats; CEOs or teachers—they almost universally realize that it isn’t politicians or media figures who need to change; it’s them. “I just posted a message calling a friend an a—hole, and I need to take it down,” said one college student. “When I score a 3, I need to take account of myself and do better,” said Spencer Cox, the Governor of Utah. We call this “the mirror effect” and it’s a game changer.

It turns out, it’s hard to look clearly at ourselves. We hide experiences that cause us pain, we avoid problems that we don’t want to confront, we do things we’re ashamed of doing, and we have thoughts that we’re embarrassed to admit. We’re a mystery to ourselves in so many ways—and yet the hidden parts are the most important for any kind of growth or change. But as long as they stay hidden, they keep us prisoners.

The Dignity Index has a way of revealing what’s hidden without shaming us or attacking us. It just shows us who we are when we speak about others and offers us a chance to transform the hateful and contemptuous parts of ourselves. It’s like a mirror to what we often hide. When someone says, “I hate people who have contempt for others,” they often don’t see the contradiction of hating someone in the name of ending it. The Dignity Index scores that statement a 3. It’s clear. It’s a statement full of moral superiority. If you say it—or think it—the Dignity Index simply reveals you to you. The rest is your choice.

When Peggy finished singing Man in the Mirror to Senator Capito the first thing the Senator said was, “I need to bring that message to my Republican conference.”  It was almost automatic. She didn’t say, “take that to my opponents,” or “that’s a song you need to sing to Democrats!” The mirror doesn’t work that way. All you see in the mirror is you, and if you see you a little more honestly and openly, you’ll see the opportunity and the hope for change.

This week, all the governors from around the nation will be in D.C. for their annual meeting.

Their goal for this year is to “Disagree Better.” I’ll be joining Governors Cox (UT) and Moore (MD) at the National Cathedral for a discussion about how to ease divisions, prevent violence, and solve problems. I hope people will walk out of that hallowed space and play Man in the Mirror as they head home. It will remind each of us where change needs to start.In unity,Tim